By Nathaniel Promer
A man walks into your house and asks to use the potty. You have just had your potty cleaned. There are some who believe that you owe this person your potty, and although they will dirty it further with their musty tuchus, you must quarter them. Some would have you believe that, based only on the merit that they are in the military, you must give them quarters. Or make them into a quarter. It’s a bit vague.
I am not one of those people, that is, I would not have you let the person use your potty. The issue of the third amendment and its place in modern culture has been hotly debated for some time, but I believe that the third amendment should stay. For a multitude of reasons, some of which I will mention, the third amendment must be cemented and permanently kept for the safety of the nation’s inhabitants.
The first reason this amendment is so important is its frequent evocation. The Amendment is not only frequently seen being pleaded by everyday workers and students but has also been seen throughout popular culture in shows like Game of Thrones and Bubble Guppies. To do away with the amendment at this time would severely hamper future generations' comprehension of such timeless classics. If for no other reason, support the keeping of this amendment because you don’t want to have to explain to your grandchildren that some events in Game of Thrones would have been illegal at that time because one of the siblings is a soldier, and the third amendment at that time prohibited such quartering. To destroy the young ones’ comprehension of these plots would be to engage in the destruction of the very culture we have grown into (or in Peter Dinklage’s case, not grown into).
The second reason is that this right is part of our heritage. Whether it is truly harmful for potty-needing soldiers or not, the American way has, since its declaration, been to not let soldiers quarter. There are none among us who haven’t gathered at a Fourth of July potluck and thought how proud they were to reject soldiers from quartering in their homes. To refuse people potty is American, and the Third Amendment is the bedrock of these values. According to a survey of more than four people, the third amendment is necessary because “you need freedom & you don’t want soldiers in your house. It’s like a thing where you're giving the government power over you.” This source's validity, however, has come into question; the survey conductors were suspected commies. Be it as it may, Amendment III (or triple-mend as it has been abbreviated by the rap industry) and the values of making soldiers “hold it in” have been a long-standing part of American culture and shall not be stripped away under the circumstances of liberal rhetoric.
To summate this grand thesis, when soldiers come to your home, you should always have your right to keep them out. Even though they have guns and can threaten you to let them pee, you can be killed with the moral high ground that they were violating your rights.
God bless America.
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