By Timothy Lim
A lobster is functionally immortal. Under the proper conditions, it could keep growing far past its lifespan of 100 years. The only thing that prevents it from becoming immortal are the limitations of its lobsterous being. Unlike humans, lobsters do not have skin that expands with them as they grow. Instead, they have a hard shell called an exoskeleton, that they shed and replace with a larger exoskeleton every once in a while. The issue with this is that after a certain period of time, the exoskeleton becomes too thick for the lobster to break and shed, and the lobster is crushed against its own shell. But in theory, you (with the help of a very dedicated group of lobster enthusiasts) could help a lobster molt by breaking its shell for it. So with this knowledge, how large can a lobster become?
The first issue we would run into is the square cube law. The shell of the lobster, which is related to its surface area, grows slower than the weight of the lobster, which is related to its volume. This effectively means that after a certain point, the lobster is crushed to death by its own weight. This is not quite conducive to immortality. To solve this problem, the lobster can be taken up in orbit around the Earth on a space station, where it cannot be crushed to death by gravity.
This allows the lobster to grow further, but more issues will arise. After a certain point, the gills of the lobster are not able to draw in enough oxygen. Unless something is done, the lobster will soon suffocate. Thankfully, the lobster enthusiasts that shipped it to orbit also have access to high-level biotechnologies that allow the lobster to be augmented with artificial gills that draw in even more oxygen.
While scientists back on Earth could argue that the Lobster is, at this point, no longer a lobster, they couldn’t argue with the fact that Lobster is now able to balloon in size. In fact, all debate about the Lobster ends soon because its superior mass allows it to tear apart the Earth with its gravitational force. The Lobster purges the Earth of its inferior counterparts, feasting upon the screams of the damned. At this point, it is no longer a lobster, it is a god, relishing in the sacrifices presented to him.
However, at this point, the Lobster is at risk of being crushed to death once more, this time by its own gravitational force. The atoms inside begin to cluster into a sphere at the center, the gravitational pressure causing a bright light to emanate from within. Meanwhile, like the Moon before it, the Sun is torn apart and consumed by the Lobster. With this, the 2 symbols of ancient human religion, worshipped through the ages, are destroyed and replaced with something greater. The Lobster continues its expansion and travels to nearby star systems in search of food. Stars are devoured whole by the Lobster, and if Earth still existed, the night sky would slowly grow darker.
However, when the lobster achieves the mass of 8 Suns, it meets a force it cannot overcome. While the followers of the Lobster have been able to delicately balance the pressure of gravity using advanced technology, at this point, nothing can be done. The very atoms that make up the lobster can no longer withstand the gravitational force crushing down upon it, and the Lobster implodes. The collapsing organs of lobster falls inwards at a quarter of the speed of light, and rebounds off the center in an massive explosion that outshines entire galaxies.
In the center of the storm, the remains of the Lobster are lost forever to the inky darkness of a black hole, which stands as a monument to the resting-place of just the Lobster, but its dreams of immortality.
The rise and fall of the Lobster offer us several key insights into the nature of immortality.
First, in one’s quest to be immortal, they will lose sense of what they used to be. Even if the Lobster was not constrained by the physical limits of the universe, and managed to become immortal, it could no longer be considered a lobster in any sense, as its very nature has been fundamentally changed by the upgrades it received.
Second, the quest for immortality is long, hard, and ultimately futile. Even with all the technology in the world, and a cult following that supported his every action, the Lobster was still not able to obtain immortality, and died in a massive supernova. Even the grave of the Lobster, a black hole, will slowly evaporate away within the next 1067 years, leaving nothing behind to mark the dreams of what once was.
The Lobster teaches us that no matter what happens, time will render everything irrelevant, from our worst mistakes to our greatest successes. In the case of the Lobster, it was unknown before it existed, and forgotten for the rest of time after it died. Some would argue that because of this, the Lobster, and everything it did, meant nothing. But to others, the lobster and its actions meant everything. As a speck of something, in infinity of nothing.
Also I guess a lobster can become twice as long as the Sun before it is dies because of the gravitational limitations of subatomic particles.
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