By Kaavya Shah
With the start of the school year comes the rather unfortunate start of the football season. Well, maybe not for you. Your school’s football team is probably amazing. Or at least half decent. The point is, no matter how bad you think your school’s football team is, mine is 10x worse so stop complaining because I have it way worse than you, okay? We just had our first loss of the season. The most devastating, soul-crushing, face-in-the-mud-butt-sticking-up loss of the season: 0-25.
And this is our varsity team. Meaning, these guys are supposed to be, you know, good? What happened to talent? What happened to drive? I guess they’re just letting any egghead jerk of a teenage boy onto the team. If you can spell football and throw a ball and kind of run, you’re good to go buddy! It’s like we’re not even trying. I bet when the other teams see us on the field, they’re thinking “Oh my gosh, we’re playing these flops? Again? We’re gonna knock ‘em down like bowling pins and score while they’re still dumbfounded over the fact they’re on the ground.” I remember last year, the cheerleaders were doing their routine and they asked the crowd “Are we gonna win?!” and everyone yelled “NOOOO!”. Honestly, it’s more of a rush seeing the girls play because our school still does that thing where the girls play football and the boys do the cheerleading.
Our football team wasn’t always this bad. We were actually good in the 70s and 80s. And then it all started going downhill. But at the end of the day, no one goes for the game. Football games are a social event more than a sporting event, and everyone knows this. Half the excitement is seeing if the team can actually do better (and then making fun of them if they don’t). But as fun as it is to yell at the short players when they take a massive tumble for absolutely no reason, I just want to see our team win for once. When we do, the government would have to make it a national holiday. Picture it : the day our small, insignificant school finally wins a game since 1986. The school spirit, the parades, the glory, the honor…..you get the idea.
And on that topic, we can’t lose our homecoming game this year. That would really be the cherry on top of an already distasteful cake. You know what we need? A whole movie-esque scene where we get a transfer from another school or something. He starts out as the outcast, no one talks to him, the whole loser thing. But, that all changes when he tries out for the football team and turns out to be the best player, leads the team to victory and puts us back on the map. Now that I’ve written it down, it's all been manifested. It’s going to happen. We’re going to win. Keep my school’s football team in your prayers. If we lose next week, I’ll know exactly why and it’ll be all your fault.
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