By Rose Aune
Cast:
PROTAGONIST: should be 4’5”, 90 pound waif in her early twenties, with some defining characteristic like “copper-blonde hair that shines in the sun” or an “impish smile.”
THE LOVE INTEREST: At least 6’ 5”, preferably taller, and at least five years older than the heroine. Infinitely strong, smart, and wealthy. Has far more dating experience than the protagonist. Bonus points if an ex gets to pop up somewhere in the story.
THE FRIEND: Must be much less attractive than the protagonist. You can use her as a plot point without ever investing any time into building any kind of character.
Now that you have a cast, it’s time to choose a setting. For this, you have some choices.
The Big City – This one is pretty easy. Lost and confused girl, guy who knows his way around the city. If you want to be profound, add in a tragic accident.
Small Town – You know this one. She comes to visit, falls in love with him and small town life, gives up some crazy opportunity to grow apples on a failing farm.
Vacation – Forbidden romance alert!. They have a great time, and by some miracle the overworked, neglectful boyfriend totally understands why she fell in love with someone else. He even comes to the wedding!
Dilapidated Manor – This one could go in a few directions. Cute handyman, deranged stalker who happens to shut down trafficking rings? Your choice. Who knows? Maybe you’ll make the bestseller list.
Now it’s time to write. Don’t bother charting out any kind of plot, theme, or purpose. Just write what feels right! Always remember-when in doubt, just add a passionate kiss in a doorway. Here are essential moments:
The injury – Protagonist gets some kind of unembarrassing injury that forces the main love interest to care for her. She could:
Hit her head and have amnesia (but not for too long to where it's inconvenient)
Trip and have to be carried (bonus points if the love interest “scoops her up like she weighs nothing”)
Gets hurt by another guy (now the love interest sets out to get revenge)
The first fight – Can be about:
A misunderstanding (overheard phone call, seen hanging out with a cousin, etc.)
He’s too controlling (This one is easily fixed. Something bad happens to the protagonist, she comes running back. Or he gets her a lavish gift)
Infidelity (If you’re feeling really ambitious, try this one. No one will foresee him cheating with the ex-girlfriend you forced into the plot.)
The “you’re not like other girls” – Provoked by:
Interesting eating habits (Maybe she ate a piece of lettuce and that was enough for the whole day?)
Her incredible lack of independence or a personality. (While other girls enjoy hobbies or time with friends, she is content to sit in a room waiting on the love interest.)
Her incredible backstory (Honestly pretty valid. How many other girls descended from royalty, fell into poverty, got kidnapped, and then had to be nursed back to health after catching the plague?)
The “I can’t live without you” – But there has to be a problem.
He is about ten years too old for the protagonist (It’s ok though. The “your age/2 +7” rule is only true in real life, right?)
He is married. (But naturally, his wife is “crazy.”)
He lives too far away. (Next week, he’s going to get a job offer that takes him across the country to be with her)
Some genre standards:
Make sure to include some overprotectiveness that borders on domestic violence. Of course that tracker he put on her luggage was just to keep her safe!
Come up with some nicknames like “hubba bubba” and “care bear” for your main characters to call each other. It makes the story ten times better.
Grammatical errors and plot holes in your story? Don’t worry about it!
Revisions:
Unnecessary.
But wait…your novel seems to be tacitly encouraging unhealthy relationship dynamics and infantilizing your protagonist? Congratulations! You have a bestseller!