In Which I Lose Thousands of Aura Points

By Kaavya Shah

The title may or may not be a little hyperbolic, I’ll let you do the math on that one. Anyway, read about this devastating hit to my ego. Gofundme in bio pray for me guys <3

#1: In Which I Misread the Rules

My mother, in typical mother fashion, is an absolute Amazon warrior. Anything you need, she’ll get it on Amazon. Do you need something to keep track of time in the bathroom? A shower clock is being delivered in two days. Do you need shoes to wear for your white water rafting trip? The knock-off Crocs are on the way. Are you bored in the car? She’s already bought “Shotgun! The Road Trip Game”. I was playing this game in the car with my sister, and one of the cards said that if you got someone from another car to wave to you, you’d get two points. So, I did what anyone with a winning mindset would do and waved to the man filling our gas at the gas station (can you tell I’m from Jersey?). I foolishly declared “Two points for me!”, to which my sister cockily replied that I had to wave to someone IN A CAR, not just any random person. I had misread the rules. -600 aura.

#2: In Which I Tread on Jagged Rock

I had to unveil my toes to hundreds of people because I was going to go underneath the falls to splish splash in the sweet, sweet water of Mother Nature. Why didn’t I bring the knock-off Crocs I mentioned earlier? Well, the last time we went, they gave you slippers to wear if you were going under the falls, so we didn’t bother with bringing our own. Loud incorrect buzzer. Anyways, I had to traverse the jagged, rocky landscape in my bare feet, wincing with every step. I probably looked ridiculous walking on my tiptoes. Everyone pointed and laughed at me, and me only. -1000 aura. My mother was rambling on about acupressure and how walking barefoot was good for us. Didn’t really feel like it, but okay! Sure, I had fun once I got there, but then I had to walk back. Barefoot. And to make matters worse, a seagull pooped all over the ground an inch from where I was standing. I shrieked. Everyone got out their phones and started recording the squealing, barefoot pig that stood before them. -800 aura

#3: In Which I Forget How Transactions Work

I was getting breakfast before our road trip back home from Niagara and I decided it would be the mature thing to do to order an iced matcha for myself. Well, I placed the order, but unfortunately, I forgot to swipe my card, and like, pay for my drink. I walked away with my head held high at the fact that I placed an order for myself, while the cashier was most likely befuddled as to why I’d just walked away. -600 aura. Now, I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid. So when fifteen minutes went by and I hadn’t gotten my drink yet, I started to get a little suspicious. I also realized I didn’t get a receipt, so I correctly assumed something was up. I went back to the register and the cashier informed me that I had to pay for my drink. Realization slapped me across the face. I tried to play it cool and be funny about it, saying “I thought something was suspicious when I didn’t get a receipt, I was like, did I do something wrong?” (yes you did). However, the cashier and one of the workers laughed at my lame attempt at small talk, so… who’s the idiot now? +400 aura

In conclusion, don’t go to Niagara Falls there are too many people and you’ll lose aura points…you have been warned.