By Benji Elkins:
INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT
JAKE and AMANDA wait in line to be helped by a host. Jake is dressed in a suit, a trench coat, and a fedora, AMANDA in a red gown with red gloves.
AMANDA
So why are we all dressed up again?
JAKE
I told you, it’s an authentic 40s Italian Restaurant, we gotta look the part.
AMANDA
Okay. Well, you do look sharp in your suit “Jakey boy.”
JAKE
“Jakey boy” what was that? Why’d you say that?
AMANDA
It was like a 40’s thing. All the girls called their hubbys “something boy”.
JAKE
No don’t do that. You’ll embarrass me.
AMANDA
Okay, okay, I was just trying to get into it.
JAKE
Just... I have an image around here you know.
AMANDA
Okay.
The Maitre D approaches.
MAITRE D
Ey! “Jakey boy” how are ya fuddy duddy!
JAKE
Why Vino, how are ya son of a gun?
VINO
Good good, let me get the two of yous seated huh?
AMANDA
This is ridiculous.
JAKE
Yeah, get us seated ya eager beaver.
The three walk over to a table. Jake and Amanda take a seat. Vino leaves.
JAKE (CONT’D)
This is great huh?
AMANDA
It’s okay.
JAKE
Just wait. Every half hour they do an authentic show.
AMANDA
Like Johnny Rockets!
JAKE
Yeah.
A waiter comes by and takes the two’s orders. Then, a chime RINGS.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Oh this is it.
The lights dim. Suddenly banging is heard from the kitchen. The smashing of pots and silverware on the floor can be heard. Muffled footsteps can now be heard from the kitchen. More clanging of metal. Then a BANG! A woman and a man can be heard.
MAN
What you say?! What you fuckin’ say?!
WOMAN
Johnny no!
MAN
What I tell you?! Huh?! What I fuckin’ tell you?!
More pots smash to the ground.
WOMAN
Johnny!
MAN
You don’t ask about my business! You DON’T!
WOMAN
(through tears)
Okay, okay.
Jake and Amanda look at each other.
AMANDA
This is not like Johnny Rockets at all.
JAKE
(regretfully)
No not at all.
One final SMASH is heard.
WOMAN
No, Johnny...No.
The MAN comes out of the kitchen in a wife beater dragging the WOMAN follows in a ragged dress. The man smashes a pot on the ground. Then the woman pulls out a switch blade.
WOMAN (CONT'D)
Johnny, back!
MAN
Woah now.
WOMAN
Johnny. I'll do it.
MAN
Be reasonable. You put that thing away or I'll kick your fucking ass.
WOMAN
Johnny.
MAN
Put it the fuck away. Now!
The WOMAN runs at the MAN who takes her down to the ground. She begins to cry silently, staring at the ground, Johnny takes the knife away from her and walks away. The patrons in the restaurant instantly stand up cheer, hollering and clapping loudly. The man and woman take a bow.
AMANDA
That was horrible.
A waiter brings them their food.
JAKE
Wow, what an experience.
AMANDA
I know.
WAITER
You thought that was an experience? Last week I went to an authentic Israeli restaurant. Best hummus I’ve ever had and the circumcision performance was to die for.
Amanda and Jake look at each other in confusion. The waiter holds up a keychain with something dangling off.
WAITER (CONT’D)
They even let you take home the foreskin as a souvenir!
END.
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