By Kai Nelson:
Murder in the 2016 Honda CRV
A Honda CRV parked in the parking lot of a CVS. All characters enter the car. ROBERT sits in the driver’s seat. HANNAH in the passenger seat. LEWIS sits in the back right, COOPER in the middle, and SUZANNE in the back left.
Dialogue commences as they enter and begin to drive. They are all wearing formal clothing.
HANNAH
Ok if we take Main Street we should get there in 15 minutes.
ROBERT
Alright. (To Hannah) You get music. But I swear to god if you play 100gecs I will crash this car.
HANNAH
Boring.
SUZANNE
I like 100gecs!
ROBERT
Fine.
(100gecs’ “Money Machine” begins to play, but ROBERT immediately turns it off)
I changed my mind.
(They drive in silence for a few beats)
ROBERT (Reaching towards the back)
Can I have the *crab hands* thing the orange
SUZANNE
The what?
ROBERT
The *crab hands*
SUZANNE
The Cheetos?
HANNAH
You aren’t eating Cheetos before going to a steak dinner Robert. It took me forever to get this reservation.
ROBERT
Just one!
(Robert looks back into the backseat, where he sees SUZANNE with a knife in her stomach, dead. She is covered in blood. COOPER is also covered in blood. He has clearly murdered SUZANNE.)
ROBERT
What the fuck!
HANNAH
What!
ROBERT
Suzanne’s fucking dead!
LEWIS
Jesus Christ!
COOPER
Oh! She is.
HANNAH
Fucking stop driving Robert what the fuck she’s dead!
ROBERT (Panicked, but perhaps less than he should be)
We need to make this reservation she’s not going to come back to life Hannah Jesus
LEWIS
What the fuck?? Who did this what?
COOPER (Covered in blood)
I don’t know.
LEWIS
Damnit. Hannah? Was it you?
(“Money Machine” resumes)
HANNAH
It wasn’t fucking me Lewis look at Cooper he’s covered in blood.
COOPER (Covered in blood)
No I’m not.
LEWIS
Don’t be ridiculous Hannah. Cooper wouldn’t.
HANNAH
He’s fucking holding an axe!!
(The camera turns to COOPER, who is wiping down an axe)
COOPER
This isn’t for murder.
LEWIS
Obviously not.
ROBERT
Should I call and change the reservation? I’m gonna call.
(“Money Machine” pauses)
Yeah hi sorry I have a reservation tonight for 5, I’m going to need to change that to 4.
(“Money Machine” resumes)
(They drive in silence for a few moments)
ROBERT
Do you think they still do valet if there’s a body in the car?
(ROBERT looks back, LEWIS now has the axe buried in his chest)
ROBERT
Jesus fucking Christ Hannah! What the fuck!
HANNAH
I didn’t do this!
ROBERT
Well who did?
HANNAH
Obviously the one covered in blood holding the fucking knife!
ROBERT
I’m not that stupid Hannah don’t be so idiotic. Now I have to change the reservation again. They’ll probably fucking blacklist me or something for this. (He calls) Yes, sorry I know I just called. I need to switch my reservation to 3 people now.
(The following dialogue overlaps as COOPER is seen leaning into the front seat holding a knife)
HANNAH
It’s obviously Cooper, he’s the only one in the backseat!
ROBERT
Jesus Hannah you need to calm down
HANNAH
I need to calm down? Calm down?!? He’s fucking murdering our friends in the backseat
ROBERT
He said he didn’t do it!
HANNAH
Fucking of course he said he didn’t do it!!!
(Blackout)
COOPER (voice only)
Hi, I need to change a reservation to one.
Comments