By Siona Kirschner
Due to societal pressures and extreme propaganda, we have all been bamboozled into believing that procrastination is a problem. It is not. In fact, there is arguably no greater blessing bestowed upon us than our ability to procrastinate. It’s an endless gift: a true expression of agency and free will, the thing that gives us the opportunity to prove to ourselves that we’re just “good under pressure”, and our way to excuse our refusal to sleep. I honestly think I already said enough. But just in case you are still yet to be convinced (good for you, love the skepticism) I will lay out a list of reasons.
We have evolved to the point where we have the capability to choose when to do the things we supposedly “have” to. Our responsibilities typically no longer revolve around hunting a bison as quickly as possible in order to eat it and not die. Instead, we get to do cutesy little tasks on our computers for our teachers/bosses. What an accomplishment! Refusing to use our ability to choose when to do these tasks would be deeply disrespectful to the progress we have made. If your choice of when is the last possible moment, respect that choice! On a related note, this probably proves that procrastination is literally in our nature. We crave the sense of urgency we once had to fuel us to accomplish things so we try to create it for ourselves. Resourceful!
I saw this one on the internet, so it may be a copout/intellectual theft (I swear I’m 97.3% sure that I don’t think it is), but if you do something at the last minute it only takes a minute to do! Not only is this efficient, it leads to what may be the most perfect humble brag ever to exist. “Oh, that research paper we had the entire year to work on? I literally didn’t start it until the night before the deadline! I’m such a mess! Haha! What did I get? Oh my god, a 91%. No idea how, I swear! I’m just good under pressure.” What you’re literally saying is that you procrastinated, but what you’re actually telling people is that you did a year’s worth of work reasonably well in less than two days fueled by an insane amount of caffeine and an unhealthy fear of failure. Iconic, and you know it. (If you don’t agree and are unimpressed/annoyed/see through this extremely transparent ploy when people say these things to you, please do not tell me. It’s all I cling to, and I don’t care if it’s mildly infuriating.)
The true best hours of our 24-hour-cycle are 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. This is actually a fact. The vibes are unbelievable. Being alone in your room during these hours is a life altering experience. Suddenly everything is different and you feel weirdly inspired. You start magically accomplishing things and being motivated. You might even get to see the sunrise, which just hits different when it’s because you're still awake at an ungodly hour and not because your bus is at 6:47 a.m. You also get to go through the next day on extremely little sleep, which I genuinely believe is a good thing. I may be a little nauseous, but I’m also a million times more likeable on 0-3 hours. Unfortunately, I personally can only think of four truly acceptable reasons to be in this particular situation: you started a really long book in the evening and it was one of those books you just have to read in one sitting, you were haunted by your inner demons and they simply would not let you sleep, you were texting/on the phone with someone (wink?), or you were in a frenzy of academic panic and were actually doing schoolwork until this hour. The final option is typically the easiest to create for yourself. If you don’t start your project/essay/presentation/studying until the night before, you’re guaranteed to have hours of work to do on said night. What a win!
Happy procrastinating!
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