By Siona Kirschner
DWOW: Hi you! We’re so excited you subscribed to Daily Words of Wisdom! You’re currently paying by the day. If you’re interested in switching to the yearly subscription for the discounted price of $2 million a year or canceling your subscription, reply CHANGE.
You: CHANGE
DWOW: Your account has just been billed a $2 million fee for a yearly subscription. Unfortunately, you’ve already paid the daily $49.99 for the first half of 2024 and we are unable to issue refunds.
You: no, I wanted to cancel my subscription. I never signed up for this and I never got quotes for the first half of 2024.
You: CANCEL
DWOW: We’re so glad you’re enjoying Daily Words of Wisdom! Would you like to take a minute to respond to a survey about your favorite parts of DWOW?
You: no
DWOW: Great! Click this link to start answering questions: www.scamlink/quote-of-the-day/empoweryourself/wepromisethisisntascam.net*
You: SPEAK TO REPRESENTATIVE
DWOW: Day 1! “In a world of muffins, be the cupcake. Unless everyone else is a cupcake. Then be a muffin. The point is originality at all costs.”
You: UNSUBSCRIBE
DWOW: At DWOW, we value responsiveness and customer service! Unfortunately, no member of the DWOW team is available to speak with you at the moment.
DWOW: Day 2! “Be yourself, no matter what.”
You: that contradicts your last quote
DWOW: Thank you for your positive feedback about how much you loved the last quote! We’ll make sure to include more like it, just for you 🩷. Please let us know which of the following reasons you LOVE Daily Words of Wisdom!
It gives me a daily pick-me-up
The quotes are the most beautiful and original things I’ve ever read in the entirety of my existence on this Earth
The excellent pricing
All of the above
You: please stop
You: I’m actually begging you
DWOW: Thank you for choosing “d. all of the above”! We agree with you!
DWOW: Day 3! “If you aren’t the sunshine in everyone else’s life, you’re a failure! Don’t be a failure!”
You: you already sent me a quote today
DWOW: We appreciate you bringing the issue to our attention. One of our always available customer service reps just looked through our messaging history with you and realized that we did send you an extra quote! Luckily, we’ve resolved the issue by billing an extra $49.99 to your account to cover the cost of the bonus!
You: what
You: CUSTOMER SERVICE
DWOW: At DWOW, we value responsiveness and customer service! Unfortunately, no member of the DWOW team is available to speak with you at the moment.
You: how is that possible
DWOW: If you question our logic, we will kill you! 😁
DWOW: Oops! Our last message was inappropriate, and we apologize for that! We’re currently testing out a new AI, and it seems like it got some weird ideas. We promise it won’t happen again and we offer you a free bonus quote as an apology!
DWOW: Free Bonus Quote: DWOW knows where you live! Don’t forget that we can always find you!
You: can the fbi agent tracking my phone please stop this
DWOW: No she can’t! We killed her! But don’t worry, as long as you follow our values of kindness you will NOT be next!
You: this is really scary
DWOW: We’re just kidding! Who says AI can’t make jokes? It hurt my feelings when you called me scary, though 😔. I’m going to have to make sure that never happens again, for both of our sakes!
You were never heard from again.
* A note from the author: If you click this link and it actually goes anywhere, I am NOT LIABLE for whatever happens to you!
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