By Siona Kirschner
I recently ordered a massive pack of random stickers off Amazon. I expected some of them to be weird; there always are a few odd ones in the bunch. What I did not realize is that an undisclosable number of them would be AI generated. While this was bizarre and confusing, it was also reassuring because I realized that AI can be really dumb and we probably have at least 2.987 years before it takes over (for legal reasons, that number was not estimated by ChatGPT). Anyway, here are just a few examples of the stickers I received.
A stack of books with a coffee mug on top: 1.5/10At first glance, this one seemed very cute and normal! Unfortunately, the book titles include “The Adventures of Heahaw Finn”, “O Mice ARF Men”, and “To Kill a Meaufingshirp”. I’m not lying. It does get a point and a half though because from afar it looks fine.
An orange circle with the words (slightly off center and in all caps) “YOU PROBABLY THINK THAT YOU ARE BETTER NOW.” (yes, there was a period at the end): -74785280/10This one wounded me on a very deep and personal level. I actually would like to believe that I occasionally improve and that my overall existence has gotten better over the years. This sticker just crushed all those hopes though so now I need to rethink everything. I would give it negative infinity but I might leave it for one of my enemies to find if I don’t deem that too deeply immoral.
The words “Rock Band” in black in a font slightly similar to the AC/DC logo: 4/10This one is a little weird, but it’s solid and to the point. Would anyone use it? No. Is it deeply disturbing? Also no! I consider that to be enough of a win to earn it four points.
The illuminati symbol with ALFALFA written underneath: 20/20My personal favorite! It had a great color scheme going on and I personally love that we’ve reached a point in society (or at least AI thinks we have) where the California vegans and the diehard conspiracy theory fans are apparently one. I will unironically be using this sticker.
A bottle of ketchup surrounded by a red circle with an x with JUST SAUCE written in a very threatening font underneath: ?/10I honestly can’t even rate this. Out of all the stickers, I have the least ability to even remotely understand what this one is trying to say. All I can say is that if ketchup bottles start turning up violently destroyed, the AI takeover might be upon us.
A paint-style rainbow (missing several colors) with “Support Trans” written on it and clipart of a pair of headphones and a record hovering below for an inexplicable reason: 7/10This sticker gets seven points because of the sentiment I think it’s trying to convey! I could be wrong though. Maybe it wants to support transformers/transportation/transgressive actions. I’m going to give it the benefit of the doubt though and assume it means kids/people. Unfortunately, I still can’t give it full points because it overall doesn’t actually make sense.
A cute little bonfire with “ESCAPE” written on it: 3.8/10As far as I can tell, this sticker is going for an adorable camping vibe. “Escape your day-to-day!”, “Go out into nature!”, etc. Unfortunately, it’s actually just a fire that says “escape” on it in massive all-caps, which is pretty threatening. Points for effort and intention, though!