By Kaavya Shah
Henry V Context : King Henry tries to get Princess Katherine to marry him, which basically consists of him saying he’s not like other boys
If I could get a girl by doing athletic stuff like leap-frog or bragging about how great I am,
I’d have like, 15 wives right now
But, lowkey, I’m just trying to speak from the heart and skip all the bragging stuff,
Which I normally don’t do unless I really have to
I understand if you can’t accept a guy like me
I’m really pale and you’d have to use your imagination to pretend I’m attractive
But, I’ll give it to you straight. If you can love me, then marry me. If not,
Then I’ll definitely die, but on God, I would never die for you
While you’re alive, take a regular ol’ guy like me to be your husband
I have to treat you right, because I can’t woo you in other places, if you catch my drift
A lot of men can sweet talk you, and fall at your feet, and do all these favors to win your love
But, they never stick around for long
Just lock in really quick. If you think about it, a speaker is just someone who yaps
A song is just a poem
Good legs will break, a straight back could get scoliosis, people are gonna get old and wrinkly
But someone with a good heart; that’s something that will never fade
And guess who has a good heart (Henry non-discreetly points at himself)
What I’m getting at here is, if you’re gonna take any guy, take me. I have a good heart
So pick me, choose me, love me
Whaddya say?
Much Ado About Nothing Context : Dogberry is interrogating a criminal, who implies that he’s a fool (he is), and Dogberry just keeps on fumbling when he tries to defend himself
Do you know who I am, tough guy?
Do you know that I’m literally old enough to be your father?
You’re here to make a fool out of me, huh?
But don’t forget, I am a “fool”. Even though it’s not written down yet, I’m a “silly little clown”
You, on the other hand, are the biggest opp ever. A villain. You’re just sooooo pious, aren’t you?
Well, guess what? There’s a whole witness stand out there that’s going to drill you into the dirt
I’m actually a really smart guy. I’m an officer, landowner and the diva-est diva that ever lived
I actually know the law, and I’m richer than you. So, yeah
Get him out of my sight!
Dogberry says to himself “Can you believe it? He was calling me, me of all people, a fool”
Romeo and Juliet Context : Benvolio retells the story of the fight that led to Mercutio and Tybalt’s deaths, and it is EPIC
So basically y’all, Romeo killed Tybalt right here
But, Romeo literally told him that the fight was stupid, and he said it so nicely and gently
Obviously, he couldn’t get through to Tybalt, who did not want to stop fighting at all
After that, Tybalt pointed his sword at Mercutio and OMG HE’S ABOUT TO DIE
But then, Mercutio does the toughest thing ever and legit pushes the sword away
And Romeo interjects again and is like “Guys, stop, this isn’t you”
Everything went downhill from there. It all happened so fast
Romeo tried to push their swords away
But between his arms, Tybalt found an opening and thrusted his sword through it
Stabbing Mercutio and taking his life
And then Tybalt runs away
But now, Romeo is up and ready for round 2, and unfortunately for Tybalt, he’s out for blood
And they started fighting so fast, it was like lightning. I lowkey didn’t bother separating them
Romeo ended up stabbing Tybalt, and then he ran away
And that’s the truth from your boy Benvolio. Let God strike me down if I’m lying