By Siona Kirschner
Sofia the First: I cannot express the degree to which I LOVED this girl and every single thing about her show. Along with the hours of joy I got from demanding my parents play Sofia the First songs in the car (I truly feel guilty for the pain I may have caused them), I gained the view that anyone named Sophia with a “ph” is spelling it wrong. I gained the belief that at any moment my dad could die and my mom could marry a king and I would move into a castle and start going to princess school, and the confusing realization many years later that Sabrina Carpenter was in that show. I learned that saying I got to be Elsa and my sibling had to be Anna when we were playing “Frozen” because I was the older sibling could backfire when I had to be Sofia’s older sister (Amber, ew) due to the same age logic. Most importantly, that was the day I became infuriatingly hypocritical and a skilled manipulator - thank you, Sofia.
Phineas and Ferb: This show set me down a path of bitterness and destruction when the intro song taught me that kids used to have much longer summer breaks than we do now.
Lalaloopsy (yes that’s all one word, yes I checked): Aside from the fact that no one else remembers this show, giving me the false impression that I’m a unique individual, this show gave me a love for things that are just extremely… crunchy… but in a polished, aesthetic, Instagram trad-wife way. It also stripped Coraline of the power to scare me. I know for a fact that those button-eye doll parents have cute little button-eye pets and fight with their cute little button-eye community over baking competitions and the town garden. I hoped Coraline would willingly stay with them the whole time I was watching that movie (this is actually true).
Wonder Pets: This show gave me the false impression that I could change outfits by jumping into a costume bin and springing out in seconds donning a superhero costume. The day I learned that this was false was a painful day indeed. Despite this traumatic experience, Wonder Pets holds a loving place in my heart for giving me the encouraging idea that saving one baby animal every week or so from non-life-threatening peril can constitute a career.
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