By a Collective
Editors’ note: Despite being a comedy magazine, nearly half of our recent outside submissions were poetry. Half of those submissions came from the same class at a school in Florida. A brilliant teacher challenged her students to submit to us!
For the past few weeks, we have spent our days reading insightful poetry about french fries, Freddy’s, and more, feeling more enlightened with every read. After a rigorous selection process, The Milking Cat presents four of our favorites.
UNCENSORED NARCISSIST
By Joshua Mcilwain
“I love myself,
I'm the best,
I’m the greatest,
I am Jay!
No one could ever be better!
Some call me a narcissist,
Some call me overloving selfloving,
But I don’t care,
Because I’m the best at doing it,
No one can beat me,
No one is better!
Maybe I am too loving,
Maybe I am a narcissist,
But at least I know my value,
I know my goods,
I am the best at that!
That!
Everyone else is a rat,
Rat attack,
Pack that,
The Best of the Best,
But now I must confess,
I am a narcissist,
I secretly know I’m the worst,
I should be a nurse,
I secretly wear a purse,
I don’t even know my next verse,
I pretend I’m the best,
The Best of the best,
But I must confess,
I am not the best,
Under my thick vest,
Is a small chest,
I can now rest,
Knowing I’m not the best,
I don’t even know what to do next.”
Freddy's Poem
By Dylan Pagano
Freddys - the fresh smell of grease in the air
The sight of flies and fleas flying through my hair
Ah, so sweet and diverse with all of these ages
I love working there and do not care about the wages
Walking through the door every day is a delight
Seeing my comrades is such a sweet sight
Our flag of black and red, the logo so bright
Shining in glory, our food is so right
My name is Dylan, and I love my job
I will quit when I’m 70, and even then sob
For the Freddy’s experience is so sharp like a knife
It is my dream, to make 20 an hour for life
puppy love
By Dev Pandya
- to all you delulu high school romantics -
funny, isn’t it?
my heart says yes, but my mind says no
tip-tap-tip-tap
points of pencils screaming against paper
we met in chem class
we were partners for a lab
“we.”
i never really liked her like that
sure she was sweet
and cute
and smart
but i don’t do relationships
and certainly not situationships
who has the time for that?
not me, that’s for sure
but one lab soon became two
and then three
and then friends
and then I got her snap
and then...
no.
i can’t.
we can’t.
i have dreams to follow
i have my family’s dreams to follow
i have expectations to meet
i can’t allow for any distractions
this wasn’t going anywhere, right?
it’s high school anyways
we’re too young for this typa thing
but the problem is...
maybe i’ve grown addicted to her
i miss her voice everyday
i miss her eyes wandering around the class, occasionally stopping at me
i miss her touch when she hands me a pencil when i “forget” mine
i miss the way she smells like a bath & body works store all the time
so what if my marks might go down a little bit
and i skip a few classes (sorry ms. lee)
and if i can’t help but stare at her during lectures
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
this can’t be happening
this isn’t me.
what about everything i’ve worked so hard for
i can’t just throw that all away
but i’m not the only one making sacrifices am i
if she’s willing to sacrifice her time, why can’t i?
ok what if we did make it official
is it just going to last for a month and then
poof
she finds someone else
what then?
maybe she’s just a waste of time
but what if she’s not
what if...
let’s say it does last a year
and it’s time to tell our parents
or wait
do you move in first and then tell your parents
or is it the other way around?
how does this relationship thing even work?
you know what
this is just too complicated
let’s scrap everything
let’s rewind
let’s get married
marriage.
how do i know if she’s the one?
what if we get to the mandap and then i don’t like her anymore?
what if she doesn’t like me anymore?
what if i don’t like me anymore?
my heart says i am confusion and my mind does too
Fried Euphoria
By Nash
In the kitchen's hustle, potatoes prepare,
Transformed into fries, a crispy affair.
Golden and crunchy, a comforting treat,
No need for preaching, just good things to eat.
On plates and baskets, they take a stand,
A universal joy, from land to land.
No need for sermons, just flavors bold,
French fries shine, a story untold.
In diners and dives, they steal the show,
No religious fuss, just a tasty glow.
Salted and seasoned, a simple pleasure,
French fries unite, a flavorful treasure.
In gatherings with friends or a solo spree,
Fries bring smiles, it's easy to see.
No sacred verses, just a common cheer,
French fries matter, year after year.
No divine tales, just a crunch so sweet,
A secular feast, a flavorful feat.
In simplicity's embrace, they hold the key,
French fries, as important as life.
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