By Siona Kirschner
Played the Cupcake Game: 10/10
If you don't know what the cupcake game is, I cannot tell you because no words can capture its beauty. Go look it up though. That's not its official name, but it's good enough, you can probably find it. Anyway, I give this one 10 points because I love it with all my heart and will accept no criticism of it.
Tried on Clothes “For School”: 4/10
3 a.m. fashion shows are honestly a unique experience and I do believe that they are fundamentally essential to the person I am. There’s a limit, though, and sometimes trying to turn scarves into shirts I would in no universe actually wear isn’t the best use of my time when I haven’t started studying for the math test I have in less than five hours.
Did Real Productive Things: 11/10
Obviously great. Unfortunately, I've done this maybe one time (approximately), which is very disappointing. However, if I were to actually participate in this that would be awesome so I give it an 11/10 for aspirational value.
Did Fake Productive Things: 4/10
This one includes activities like looking up scholarships and summer programs without actually applying to them, doing homework due in a month when I literally have an AP the next day, and looking at other people's LinkedIn accounts as "research" on how to make mine look more professional. Overall, it makes me feel unnecessarily proud of myself but actually accomplishes nothing since I never follow through on any of it, so I can not award it any more than four points.
Scrolled: 0/10
Not only does this one make me feel crusty, it's also extremely basic. I aspire to be as quirky as possible and this choice directly counters that aspiration. It has zero redeeming qualities besides convincing me on occasion that I can always quit everything and become an influencer. Although this is slightly inspiring, it's not enough to merit any points, giving this option zero stars.
Ate The Pretzels I Keep Next to My Bed for "Emergencies:" 7/10
Nourishing yourself is important, and pretzels bring joy to the soul, which is great. This also gets points for making me appreciate my past self. Whenever I eat the pretzels, I always appreciate that she left me those, which is why this one gets seven points. It loses three points though, because there's some rule about not eating past 8 and because I usually feel kind of sick in the morning (probably because of my rebellion against said rule).
Angsted: 1/10
This one’s a classic. I feel like it doesn’t need much explanation, but the one point it gets is for the impression it sometimes gives me that I’m the moody main character in a movie.
Written This Piece for The Milking Cat: 20/10
It’s 2:07 am right now. Am I asleep? NO! Because I’m a hustler and NOT because I don’t know how to accomplish the basic human task of falling asleep! I’m just a writing machine who writes at all hours of day or night. Good for me!
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